So in work today all the rest of the staff (my team anyway) were all talking about how they'd went to see New Moon on Friday. I was the only one who hadn't went. I hadn't been invited. Kissy Boy and Little My were talking all about how it was so romantic and all that. Little My took this to mean she's in with a chance but I have my doubts. Book Boy was saying that I hadn't missed much, he just went to hang out with everyone.
Me too! That's why I'd have went. I haven't even seen Twilight. I was so annoyed I just sat and my desk and kept my mouth shut. I was still raging when I bumped into Hot Baby Roy in the continental market. Both of us were there on the rob (stealing always cheers me up). He said he'd go and see it with me, he'd been looking forward to it and that Dakota Fanning is growing up feisty and nicely.
I don't want my face kicked off so I told him it wasn't missing it that I missed but the companionship.
"Who better than with friends?" he said grinning.
I know he means me and him but he's going to get so arrested one day and I don't want my house searched as a result.
I tried to steal a wicker snowman but it was too hard. I fucked off up the road while Hot Baby Roy was on the Belfast Big Wheel.
Monday, 23 November 2009
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Settling in at work
It's only been one week and I'm already starting to settle in, this should be good. I still have time for Battle Cat, so that's the main thing.
The problem is, is it good to feel settled in? I can't say too much about what we do because mainly if I start to say things that let people know where I work etc, I can't be so open about other things. In fact I've already been to open to feel comfortable with anyone knowing who I am unless I've checked them out first.
Mainly I'll say that it's a call centre and involves credit card transactions. I'll also say that it involves unreasonable and unrealistic things like monitoring how long people spend on each call and bollocking them if they spend too long, regardless of whether they've sorted the problem out.
I know that when I call a call centre about a problem I resent the idea that they're watching the clock and trying to get me off the phone. I'm not calling for a chat or to waste someone's time I'm calling to get something sorted out.
So is it really okay for me to feel settled in and happy to be doing this?
I remember when I was at school having a part time job in a nearby factory. I also remember a friend starting at the same time I did. He quit after three days because he could still see the job from the outside and knew that sometimes you shouldn't slip into that comfortable feeling. It looks uncomfortable for a reason.
The problem is, is it good to feel settled in? I can't say too much about what we do because mainly if I start to say things that let people know where I work etc, I can't be so open about other things. In fact I've already been to open to feel comfortable with anyone knowing who I am unless I've checked them out first.
Mainly I'll say that it's a call centre and involves credit card transactions. I'll also say that it involves unreasonable and unrealistic things like monitoring how long people spend on each call and bollocking them if they spend too long, regardless of whether they've sorted the problem out.
I know that when I call a call centre about a problem I resent the idea that they're watching the clock and trying to get me off the phone. I'm not calling for a chat or to waste someone's time I'm calling to get something sorted out.
So is it really okay for me to feel settled in and happy to be doing this?
I remember when I was at school having a part time job in a nearby factory. I also remember a friend starting at the same time I did. He quit after three days because he could still see the job from the outside and knew that sometimes you shouldn't slip into that comfortable feeling. It looks uncomfortable for a reason.
Friday, 20 November 2009
Volunteering in Prisons and Hot Baby Roy
I was walking over the Ormeau Bridge last night when I bumped into Hot Baby Roy, he was telling me that he thought his idea for a pub quiz would never get off the ground and that he thought people thought he was a joke. He'd show them, Hot Baby Roy was going to rule this city one day. He'd become something important, like mayor.
He was getting pretty worked up and I told him that I thought he should do some voluntary work, just to show the community he cared about them in his heart.
He snorted and said that the only person he ever knew that did voluntary work used to go into prisons and the guards would sedate all the prisoners and he'd go in and molest them then fuck off home and Hot Baby Roy thought that was disgusting.
I told him he should go to Oxfam and sell clothes. He said that he couldn't be trusted on a till. People have to know their limits and he knew his.
He asked me how the call centre was working out and I told him it was shite because I didn't want him getting a job there. I said on the first day they take you into a room and kick the shite out of you. He looked keen and asked if any women did the beating.
I told him no, it was all ugly men.
Forget it, he said. But I can't I've been thinking about it since yesterday.
He was getting pretty worked up and I told him that I thought he should do some voluntary work, just to show the community he cared about them in his heart.
He snorted and said that the only person he ever knew that did voluntary work used to go into prisons and the guards would sedate all the prisoners and he'd go in and molest them then fuck off home and Hot Baby Roy thought that was disgusting.
I told him he should go to Oxfam and sell clothes. He said that he couldn't be trusted on a till. People have to know their limits and he knew his.
He asked me how the call centre was working out and I told him it was shite because I didn't want him getting a job there. I said on the first day they take you into a room and kick the shite out of you. He looked keen and asked if any women did the beating.
I told him no, it was all ugly men.
Forget it, he said. But I can't I've been thinking about it since yesterday.
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
David Cameron doesn't care if his wife doesn't cum
Today I had a whiff of what Kissy Boy does to earn his sex man status in the call centre. He started a conversation today about making women cum. He said that all men care about making women cum and that it's just a myth that men role over and go to sleep after they've cum.
Some girl said that her last boyfriend used to wank in the shower and wipe it on the wall. The room went quiet then and it seemed she'd cast herself as the unwanted one in the office (Little My smiled to herself at that point).
Kissy Boy spoke up and said: "I can't believe that men like that exist, I always make sure the woman comes first."
"Yeah right, all men want to come," said Little My, rampant on 5 cups of tea.
"Don't worry, I always cum. It's easier if I know my woman has cum too. It's great when we cum together."
"I think David Cameron wouldn't care if his wife SamCam came," said Book Boy. Book Boy is intelligent, he has a masters degree in politics and likes to talk about intelligent things.
"Yes," said Kissy Boy after a thought, "I don't think Conservative Party leader David Cameron would care if his wife came or not. Even Labour Leader Gordon Brown would make sure that Sarah Brown came."
We all agreed that David Cameron would only care about his own orgasm and would drift off to sleep soon afterwards, and if SamCam whimpered or asked what about her he'd slime :"at least I came."
Some girl said that her last boyfriend used to wank in the shower and wipe it on the wall. The room went quiet then and it seemed she'd cast herself as the unwanted one in the office (Little My smiled to herself at that point).
Kissy Boy spoke up and said: "I can't believe that men like that exist, I always make sure the woman comes first."
"Yeah right, all men want to come," said Little My, rampant on 5 cups of tea.
"Don't worry, I always cum. It's easier if I know my woman has cum too. It's great when we cum together."
"I think David Cameron wouldn't care if his wife SamCam came," said Book Boy. Book Boy is intelligent, he has a masters degree in politics and likes to talk about intelligent things.
"Yes," said Kissy Boy after a thought, "I don't think Conservative Party leader David Cameron would care if his wife came or not. Even Labour Leader Gordon Brown would make sure that Sarah Brown came."
We all agreed that David Cameron would only care about his own orgasm and would drift off to sleep soon afterwards, and if SamCam whimpered or asked what about her he'd slime :"at least I came."
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
The Great Office Love Triangle
I ended up talking to Little My at lunch today, because I'd nothing better to say I asked if her and Rap Superstar hit it off on Friday night.
She said that they had but that that was old news. He wanted a good time but she was after mister right now. She looked all confused after she'd said it, like she'd missed a joke, so she repeated it with swear words but still didn't get where the joke should be.
Anyway, she fancied Kissy Boy now, like all the office girls.
I asked her who Kissy Boy was?
She said he was the office hunk.
What about me? I thought. Surely no one called Kissy Boy can be hotter than me.
She pointed Kissy Boy out to me later. He was posing around the office all bleached teeth and steroid arms hanging out of his Ironic T-Shirt. I told Little My that Kissy Boy used steroids so his dick wouldn't work. She said I was just jealous. I suppose she had a point, and I couldn't believe that I was trying to get Little My to like me over Kissy Boy, when the truth was that if she did I'd probably tell her a big list of why she should go back to fancying Kissy Boy.
I've been too busy trying to get to grips with my job I haven't taken the time to look round for a Mrs. Tuesday Kid.
There's bound to be one.
I will find her, no matter what occurs.
She said that they had but that that was old news. He wanted a good time but she was after mister right now. She looked all confused after she'd said it, like she'd missed a joke, so she repeated it with swear words but still didn't get where the joke should be.
Anyway, she fancied Kissy Boy now, like all the office girls.
I asked her who Kissy Boy was?
She said he was the office hunk.
What about me? I thought. Surely no one called Kissy Boy can be hotter than me.
She pointed Kissy Boy out to me later. He was posing around the office all bleached teeth and steroid arms hanging out of his Ironic T-Shirt. I told Little My that Kissy Boy used steroids so his dick wouldn't work. She said I was just jealous. I suppose she had a point, and I couldn't believe that I was trying to get Little My to like me over Kissy Boy, when the truth was that if she did I'd probably tell her a big list of why she should go back to fancying Kissy Boy.
I've been too busy trying to get to grips with my job I haven't taken the time to look round for a Mrs. Tuesday Kid.
There's bound to be one.
I will find her, no matter what occurs.
Monday, 16 November 2009
First Day on the Floor
So today I was in bright and breezy at nine for my first day on the floor taking calls. It's such a sweat shop. We were threw down to answering calls and having fuckers rant at us fullscale from the word hello, actually we've this pish script to recite at the start of the call, it's not as bad as what dicks at McDonalds have to say but it's not as accurate as "If you're going to be a dick to me, fuck off," which I'm gonna say if this keeps up.
People came round and every so often asked if we were doing alright but when we said no they didn't really do much.
I was called off to the side by my manager for telling a woman that I only just started working here and had never spoken to her before because she was sitting going, "you did _____" and "you did _____" and then later I was called again for telling a customer to stop spitting (I thought this was funny but the manager didn't).
Not much of a start, but a start at least (or most).
People came round and every so often asked if we were doing alright but when we said no they didn't really do much.
I was called off to the side by my manager for telling a woman that I only just started working here and had never spoken to her before because she was sitting going, "you did _____" and "you did _____" and then later I was called again for telling a customer to stop spitting (I thought this was funny but the manager didn't).
Not much of a start, but a start at least (or most).
Sunday, 15 November 2009
Windy Day Sexy Fais
I stood in some glass this morning. I was pure raging I thought about that Bruce Lee movie where he makes the baddies eat paper and warns them that next time they act like muthafuckers he'll make them eat glass.
Still at least Battle Cat didn't stand in it. The wee bit of glass is stuck in my foot and I've tried wiggling it and putting it in a bucket of warm water but nothing.
Then I sat down for a good cry and watched the rubgy, did you see O'Driscoll's try at the end, good on you mutherfucker, class only wish we'd won instead of drawn.
Sat making a doll of My Protege so I could teach Battle Cat to attack him but I can't draw for shit and it ended up looking like Prince Harry, and Battle Cat would bite him anyway.
Still at least Battle Cat didn't stand in it. The wee bit of glass is stuck in my foot and I've tried wiggling it and putting it in a bucket of warm water but nothing.
Then I sat down for a good cry and watched the rubgy, did you see O'Driscoll's try at the end, good on you mutherfucker, class only wish we'd won instead of drawn.
Sat making a doll of My Protege so I could teach Battle Cat to attack him but I can't draw for shit and it ended up looking like Prince Harry, and Battle Cat would bite him anyway.
Saturday, 14 November 2009
Broken Windows will Earn Someone a Broken Mouth
Sitting down watching Harry Hills TV Burp getting ready to support the Jedward Boys (by the way Derek Accorah is a funky dancer, who knew?) when a brick comes flying through the window. Luckily it missed Battle Cat, me and the TV. I jumped up and ran out. I knew who it was My Protege the wee bastard. What a wee fucker?
Like all bastard kids they were far away before I was even out the door, I just heard the wee fuckers cackling at the end of the street. It's a sad fucking day when some wee bastards want to bust your windows for wearing clothes.
I'm gonna get my protege and stick my foot so far up his arse my leg will disolve in his guts.
Come on Jedward.
Like all bastard kids they were far away before I was even out the door, I just heard the wee fuckers cackling at the end of the street. It's a sad fucking day when some wee bastards want to bust your windows for wearing clothes.
I'm gonna get my protege and stick my foot so far up his arse my leg will disolve in his guts.
Come on Jedward.
Friday, 13 November 2009
Going Drinking With Office Peeps
So we had our last day of training today and Monday we're out on the floor robbing folk.
Not looking forward to it, especially since we have all these targets to get to for how long we spend on a call and how much we fleece people in doing so.
I'm sure I'll be balling my eyes out at some wee old lady who buys our guff over tins of cat food for her wee bald cat.
We all went out for drinks after the training, or we were supposed to, but half an hour in and one pint down we were down to just me, Rap Superstar and Little My.
Rap Superstar said that we were the three musketeers and started rapping about killing the King of France with an amazing dance.
It was embarrassing as fuck and people in the pub started sniggering and pointing. I felt so small.
He went to the toilet for a big pish and Little My (who hadn't noticed the responses) started talking about how Rap Superstar was so talented with all his rapping.
I said I thought raping would be more his sort of thing.
She didn't hear me and I caught myself on in time to not repeat it. I just downed my pint and said that I'd leave the two of them to get to know each other a bit better, I tried to give a knowing wink but I think it came off a bit sleazy. Little My gave a shy giggle and I felt a wee bit sorry for her. I hope they're hitting it off now.
Not looking forward to it, especially since we have all these targets to get to for how long we spend on a call and how much we fleece people in doing so.
I'm sure I'll be balling my eyes out at some wee old lady who buys our guff over tins of cat food for her wee bald cat.
We all went out for drinks after the training, or we were supposed to, but half an hour in and one pint down we were down to just me, Rap Superstar and Little My.
Rap Superstar said that we were the three musketeers and started rapping about killing the King of France with an amazing dance.
It was embarrassing as fuck and people in the pub started sniggering and pointing. I felt so small.
He went to the toilet for a big pish and Little My (who hadn't noticed the responses) started talking about how Rap Superstar was so talented with all his rapping.
I said I thought raping would be more his sort of thing.
She didn't hear me and I caught myself on in time to not repeat it. I just downed my pint and said that I'd leave the two of them to get to know each other a bit better, I tried to give a knowing wink but I think it came off a bit sleazy. Little My gave a shy giggle and I felt a wee bit sorry for her. I hope they're hitting it off now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
